If you've ever played Unreal Tournament, then you already know what to expect with Unreal Tournament 3. Either you liked it in the past, or you didn't. If you liked it then, you'll like it now. Even on the PS3. Even if you're a hardcore mouse & keyboard jockey. UT3 is simply a "next gen" version of the game we all know and love. The core gameplay — fast, furious, frenetic first person shooter multiplayer action — is, as always, flawlessly executed. There are even a couple of new game play modes, to boot.

The one thing that Unreal Tournament has always brought to the table is bots. Specifically, bots programmed to win the game. Their job isn't to kill you, it's to beat you, though if that means killing you, so be it. Their AI can be set anywhere in the spectrum from pathetic to brutal, so as you get better, you can ramp up the AI. And you can play every type of match against bots that you can against real people. This provides some excellent benefits. First, it gives you a chance to practice, to learn the game, so that maybe the first online game you play won't be a complete disaster. Second, when you don't want to deal with other people, and you just want to get some killing done on your favorite map, you can. And finally, it makes the game viable long term. If you pick up the game in three years, even if nobody else is playing it, you can still have some fun.

UT3 on the PS3 is awesome even if you're a mouse and keyboard purist. You can plug a USB mouse and keyboard into your PS3 and play Unreal Tournament 3. Doing so brought me back to the frenetic days of the original Unreal Tournament. Jack up the mouse sensitivity and you're doing 180 degree turns with the flick of the wrist. And if you're not a purist, the PS3 controller does a decent job, too. Though, in my opinion, the default mappings suck. But, like any good FPS, you can remap just about everything.

But here's the thing you have to know: UT3 is, at it's core, a multiplayer game. There is no real story. No real narrative. Yeah, sure, there is a single player campaign, but it's just training for the real game which takes place online. If you're used to games like Bioshock, Deus Ex or Call of Duty where all of the shooting is part of some giant story and you're trying to save the world from terrorists or objectivists or sea monkeys, then you'll be incredibly disappointed. If you don't enjoy the core mechanics of running around shooting people, then you'll be bored. UT3 is just one shooting match after another. It's the best shooting match money can buy, but it is just a shooting match.

So if you're after narrative, go play one of those games because the single player campaign is a pile of retarded horseshit. Seriously. Someone actually tried to come up with a story that could justify the various technological doohickeys and whatsits that are in the game. Flags, respawn, power cores, link nodes. From a pure tactical gameplay perspective, they're great. But they're essentially meaningless. They're just arbitrary goals in a game which is a test of skill and reflexes. Trying to glom a story onto the mechanics of Unreal Tournament is like to trying to attach a narrative to a golf game. Putting the little ball in the hole is not going to prevent the enemy from powering up their weapons. Nor is it going to cure cancer or solve the hunger problem. It's just a game and trying to rationalize the object of the game into some sort war torn narrative is going to result in the kind of crap that you'll get to listen to when you play the single player campaign.

Seriously. It's dumber than a bag of crack addled squirrels that's been hit with a bag of hammers. Now, that's not to say it isn't fun, or that it's not an effective way to bring new players up to speed on game mechanics (and old players up to speed on new mechanics). It is fun. And it is effective as a training tool. But I can only hope that the use of "whack' street lingo is ironic in nature, because if it isn't, well, then the writers are god damned idiots. But, in the long run, that's neither here not there. The single player campaign simply doesn't matter. What matters is the tournament, and that is awesome. I don't even, generally speaking, like playing against people online, but in UT3 I love it.

And just to be clear, I'll say it again: I don't do online multiplayer. I don't like getting my ass handed to me by twelve year olds who think that "gay" is supposed to be the height of cutting insults. But I love Unreal Tournament 3, even online. It is, as they say in the hood, the shiznit. I have enjoyed each and every online game I've played.

This is probably due to the fact that the PS3 does not come with a headset.